Dear Brittany... I'm glad you were born.
Dear Brittany of 1989, the 1990's, junior high, high school, college and today,
You were born on purpose.
I know you look back at November 17, 1989 and see a bleak day. You look at the facts and assumptions. You see a pregnant girl at the end of her teens, permanently home from her freshman year of college. Your existence alone casts a shadow of shame over her. She comes from a nice family. She's a nice girl. And everywhere she goes, it's reminded to her that you, Brittany, disgrace her. If only she hadn't gotten pregnant. Surely she could've gotten rid of you. She could've moved on and had a nice, normal life with a normal college experience and no baby without a father. Her parents are afraid. They question if keeping you is what's best for their daughter.
You look back on that time, and you think of what's missing. You think of the father that left. The young man that dated a young girl until he knew you were part of the picture. You were the turning point. In that moment, your existence caused him to back away.
And yet. Where the ideal is lacking, grace abounds.
In such a seemingly final and dismal situation, God was there. As you were born into the world that day, God stood in the hospital room, rooting on your sweet mama who was determined to keep you. He shouted victory over the circumstances. He rejoiced that you were not only created, but that you were born. By the standards of the world, you should not have been there. And yet God determined that you were absolutely necessary. When He created you, He proclaimed you were, and are, very good. This was no mistake.
So when you try to hide the circumstances of your birth...
Remember that it is one of His favorite stories to share.
When you work to please everyone around you so that they won't see you as a disgrace...
Remember that He already claimed you and calls you "beloved."
When you chase after every young man in your path, praying to fill the empty hole left when you were abandoned by a young man long ago...
Remember that He loves you with an everlasting love. Always has, always will. Only He will fill that deep, wounded hole in your heart.
When you expect your husband to emotionally leave you when you tell him your pregnant...
Remember God is in control and that your past does not define your present. He will heal your heart.
When you work so hard to make your mama proud and live only to hear her words of praise over you, when you live longing for some kind of confirmation that you were worth keeping...
Remember she already loves you. Surrender your idol of her approval at the cross and see that He was glad to pay a great price for your freedom.
When you're called to move again and again, and you fear more than anything being alone, abandoned, unwanted, "not good enough," and found to be lacking...
Remember that He has never abandoned you. It is His great joy to go before you, to walk alongside you, and to sew you into His story.
When you question His goodness over your life, when you feel that the only thing that can come from you is more shame and disgrace, when you feel marked as "dirty" and you might as well succumb to that title, when you believe He has left you out to dry because that's what you deserve...
You may deserve it (because, yes you are a sinner!), but He promises never to give you what you deserve. He promises to give you Himself. Fully. Over and over again. Not because you earned it, not because of where you come from, not because you are finally "enough" for Him, but because He chose you. Long before you ever existed, He loved you with an everlasting love and He draws you to Himself with unfailing kindness.
You'll find those are words you're whispering over your own sweet girl. Created exactly in His perfect timing and declared very good.
By God's grace, you lived. And not just lived... but lived a life pursued and deeply loved by a jealous God. He poured out grace upon grace in your life and in the life of your family. His mercy is reflected in so many earthly provisions – a father given into your life. Forgiveness in your heart. A husband who points you to the truth of His love. He is a good, good Father to you, little girl who is loved.
Love you dearly,