Dear Brittany... Don't be afraid to love them.
Dear Brittany of 2011,
You've been dating your boyfriend, Chris, for about a year now (yes, he will become your husband, and you need to chill out about that in the meantime). I need to direct your attention to your friends.
A few nights ago, one of your closest college girl friends came by and y'all had a really deep conversation. It was hard, and vulnerable, and wonderful. You're thinking that this means everything is great and you're still just as close as you were before Chris. Future Brittany cannot deny or confirm the truth of that, but my gut says it's probably not true. It's obvious you've drifted. There's plenty of reasons for that, but when it comes to you, it's some simple time and effort – the time and effort that Chris has been getting all of.
Don't get me wrong – Chris is a great guy. But he loves you, and he'll be there. You need to wake up and see your friends.
I know what you're doing. You go through a routine of only ever having one close friend. Just one! You pour all of your heart and effort into them and are crushed anytime the relationship wanes. The safest route, you've found, is to make that person Chris. It leaves no room for anyone else. And the only reason you're doing this is because you're afraid.
If you were to ask yourself, truly, what you thought about your own value, it's that you're not enough. Every day, you fear losing another relationship. It's why you have so few, and why the few you have, you put an insane amount of effort into. You want to prove to them that you're worth staying for.
You're afraid to love them, because you can't bear the thought of them leaving you. Because your heart feels that's all it's ever known.
Your worth is established in Christ. Not only were you wonderfully made, with a purpose, but you were joyously bought with a great price. You were worth dying for. And God has pursued you – oftentimes, chasing you down – before you were ever in your mother's womb. He made you, designed you, claimed you as His beloved daughter. And He is writing an incredible story for you. You will continue to doubt this, and He will continue to hold you in your unbelief. Start surrendering to His great love.
Go in love. You're going to have to ask God for some extra bravery as you put yourself out there. It'll take time. And practice. But it is 100% worth it. The girls in your life are just as layered – and often, just as afraid – as you are. Start getting to know them and you'll see just how even the playing field is. Start praying to see them as God does – the way He sees you. Designed by Him, bought for a great price, deeply loved and longing to be in relationship. The moment you start to open your eyes to that, you'll find so much freedom and so much grace. Welcome to "the good stuff," friend.
Love you dearly,
Brittany of 2016.